An Interview By Liz Kimmerly Grover
Communications Officer
Hands to Hearts International

I recently had the chance to interview Pat Arrington, a longtime supporter of Hands to Hearts International and recent visitor to Kenya, where she actually had the chance to teach HHI’s baby massage method at an orphanage during her trip.

It was quite interesting for me to talk with her because she is an HHI supporter and sees the organization from an outside perspective. Working for HHI sometimes makes it hard for me to know how people view and process our message. Pat’s feedback definitely helped.

With a very sweet and patient voice, Pat told me a little bit about her background and that she loves HHI because of its “focus on the children” and thinks, “In any country today, we have to look at the children”. She has an adopted younger brother who lived in an orphanage until the age of seven, and she also has two adopted children.

When they were very young, she learned about the significance and joy of bonding with them. She told me how she would spend the time after their morning baths giving baby massage on a quilt in the middle of the living room floor.

“Our daughter was a month old when we adopted her and it was just such a fun time and made us very close. Seeing what love and affection can do for little ones is really why I got so excited for HHI”

Pat is a retired accountant and said that she likes to volunteer for her local church. This is how she went to Kenya last month; the church took a mission there to visit orphanages in Nairobi and the surrounding area. When they asked her why she wanted to go to Africa, she said she wanted to help the small children.

Before embarking on this journey, she watched the HHI Baby Massage DVD many times and read the “how to” massage poster that came with the DVD. She had a dozen of the posters enlarged and laminated to give away to orphanage caregivers during the trip.

When she got there, she visited 3 different orphanages and two schools. Although conditions at one of the orphanages were very poor, Pat was able to teach baby massage at Huruma Children’s Home in Ngong, in the outskirts of Nairobi. She said, “Some of the caregivers spoke Swahili so the instructional posters really helped”, and that the baby she massaged was “so cute to watch and you could tell that she was enjoying the massage. When I massaged her tummy and chest, her arms would just fall out to her sides and she would relax”. When asked what the orphanage caregivers thought, she noticed that they were happy to give the orphans massage and that “They were very excited and took some of the massage posters home to give to their own babies a massage”.

I also asked her if she thought that any of the caregivers knew what attachment disorder is, and she responded with a definite no. However, at the same time she noticed that mothers and caregivers in Kenya were good at keeping their babies close to them; most were very loving.

Pat also visited the slums of Nairobi where people were packed in, their living conditions and proper hygiene was nowhere to be found. She recalled, “When I was in the slums, I walked into the play area that had nothing but dirt. That is where they eat, congregate, and do everything. I looked for a place where I could lay a baby down for a massage and I couldn’t find one. At the minimum, 2 babies shared one bed. The conditions were so bad that I didn’t think it would be healthy to do a massage there”.

I asked her if it was because of the danger of massaging dirt into the skin and she said yes. One 3 year old just begged for Pat to pick her up; she did and right away, the child latched around her neck. It was obvious that the child wanted love.

When asked what she thinks about HHI bringing its program to Kenya, she said, “The government doesn’t run the orphanages in Kenya, although the are registered under the Kenyan Ministry of Social Services and some have Department of Social Services Representatives on their board. They are run by nonprofit organizations meaning that HHI would need to find a way to connect with the organizations or the foundations, but Laura (HHI’s Executive Director) always finds a way! I understand and believe that HHI is needed in Kenya. I think it would be an important part of the infant care, especially for babies who have lost their parents to HIV/AIDS.”

I asked her if she had any final thoughts on HHI and she said, “I love the program. I think Laura has gotten the most ‘bang for her buck’ with what she has invested into HHI. She is remarkable.”

I totally concurred with her response. From everything I’ve seen at HHI, the most amazing part is how many women and children it has helped since 2006: 1,416 women and 12,590 children, with a speedy rate that keeps growing exponentially every month. The conversation was helpful for me to hear and made me excited to see how HHI will tailor its program when it starts in Kenya and other places in Africa. It’s an ongoing story and I know HHI’s evolution and expansion into Africa will help to bring its ravaged lands and people to a higher place.

When I talk to people directly about the impacts of HHI’s work in orphanages, one of the things I tell them is that several orphanages I have visited have reported that, “after HHI training, children die less often.” This is an amazing and almost breath-taking claim – that when HHI trains orphanage caregivers how their direct actions, their nurturing, snuggling and simple acts of love and kindness actually can mean the difference between life and death for a baby! This was proven in studies in orphanages in Eastern Europe after World War II, that children in institutions who were only given food and water often died. What they lacked was love – what could be a more basic human need?

I was asked by a friend yesterday why I have never really publicized this profound outcome of HHI and I admitted that I was afraid that it might make HHI look too grandiose, that we were making outrageous claims and that we could somehow loose credibility. She looked at me with a bit of confusion and again asked, “yeah, but you have heard orphanage directors – several of them – tell you that babies hadn’t died since HHI’s training?” My answer, “Yes, more than once”.

Then, today’s NY Times ran a story about orphanages in Sudan that yet again showed demonstrable proof that teaching and supporting orphanage caregivers to show love to the children kept children from dying. A clip from their article reads, “Nurses are trained to hold and play with the children as they feed and care for them. Medical care has vastly improved. In 2001, 479 children died. In 2006, 186 did, according to UNICEF.”

“Beer for Babies” was HHI’s third annual fundraiser in Portland, supporting our work on behalf of disadvantaged women and orphaned/vulnerable children in developing countries. Our work is very serious, the name of our benefit was for those with a sense of humor and who appreciate the alliteration value of a catchy name. Anyway, the night was filled with great conversation, overwhelming generosity and the inspiration guest appearance of the Bach family, who recently adopted their little girl, Sikha, from an HHI orphanage in India.

George openly shared their story of mystery and discovery, of finding their new daughter. They traveled to the SW state of Kerala, India to meet and adopt Sikha. The Bach’s were braced for the unknown, given that they had heard so many horror stories of institutions – the conditions of them and how they can potentially and permanently warp young lives. They told the story of their amazement, surprise and relief to find Sikha being cared for in an HHI orphanage where they witnessed the caregivers rubbing children’s backs and singing them lullabies as they drifted off to sleep at night. They found that Sikha and all the other children were truly cared for and that she had formed strong bonds with her caregivers. Sikha had formed strong attachments and she grieved to leave the orphanage, the only home she had known and where she felt safe and nurtured. This grief process was hard on everyone (including the orphanage caregivers), but the silver lining in this is that once a child learns to form an attachment, they can transfer that connection and they have developed that capacity to serve them for the rest of their lives, in all of their relationships.

It is sometimes hard for me, and I am sure for others, to really see the impact of HHI’s work, but meeting Sikha and seeing her safely snuggled in the arms of her 2 over-joyed parents, it is so obvious and now so tangible!

My deepest thanks to all that participated in creating this event, to those who believe that we can and do make a difference in the lives of others. You gathered your friends, family and colleagues and you all brought a tremendous turn-out of kindness, generosity and fun. The event was a huge success and has ensured that HHI has the resources we need to continue full-tilt in India – and soon beyond!

How have I not yet posted about gDiapers sponsorship of an HHI Training? Early in the summer, during our matching grant, G Diapers jumped in and sponsored an HHI Training for an orphanage in a remote village of Orissa, India.

I have never known much about baby diapers, other than knowing that they fill ridiculous parts of our landfills, but this last year I was delighted to learn about gDiapers. Not only are they earth-friendly diapers – compostible and bio-degradable – but they are adorable AND the company is serious about making a difference in our world! Hence, they learned about HHI and wanted to get involved. In July they sponsored an HHI Training for a resources deprived orphanage in Bundi, Orissa. The orphanage also got the added bonus of getting gDiapers to use for their babies! The staff quickly learned that they could use clothe liners in the gDiaper pants and it made their work much easier.

We are very grateful to “g” and are hoping we can find ways to create long-term partnership opportunities to reach more children, while making environmentally friendly choices for our world.

I have seen many orphanages at this point and my skin has grown thicker… but I just read a news story and watched a small news clip that has shaken me to my core. I am bubbling with anger, heart-break, repulsion, and energy to get HHI moving!

We really need to get going and get HHI services literally around the world, please read this story Report: Disabled people abused in Serbia. And click on this short news clip Kids hurt by institutionalization Nov. 14: Hear the perspective from Charles Nelson, PhD. He talks about the long-term effects of bad conditions on Serbia’s institutionalized children. Ann Curry’s report on alleged abuse of disabled kids in Serbia on ‘Nightly News.’

And, then drop to your knees and thank whatever god you pray to that you were not born into that life… and also know that your involvement in HHI means that YOU ARE ALREADY doing something about this. We have only just begun!